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Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Amazing Letter to Dr. LoveLove

This is a letter extracted from Dr. LoveLove section of Rising Stars, a magazine of The Daily Star.

Dr. Lovelove,
To be honest, I'm not sure if this is a real counsellor or not. No offence intended! Still, I embark upon my awkward tale. I am 14 years old and my best friend; Null (She's not really pretty but extremely friendly) compromised her sanity by getting involved with a boy. At any rate she is presently in love (because love happens overnight, especially teenage love, and love so deep and true it cannot be measured by your cynical standards) with this boy who has confessed his feelings of deep and true love to me and I, as the loyal friend, cannot possibly forge ahead and make friendship with said boy (who has an irresistible sense of humour and won't take no for an answer) because what would my friend think, right?

I just needed you to agree with me, is all.

Why do I help you people? Really? The week before last, there was this idiot who forgot to acknowledge my PhD and now, this: doubt. Where do I find it in my heart to be so modestly selfless and help you, you who are so ungrateful and discourteous towards me? I give and I give and I give and what do I get in return? Suspicion. You have depressed me, Mee. I'm having second thoughts about helping you.

Anywho, from your tone, I figure you to be an extremely shallow and self-serving little girl, and hence, I assume, as with all giggling teenage girls, you have a demon where your soul should be. Which is why what I am about to suggest should be easy for you to do. You say she's 'not really pretty.' In other words, mirrors break when she comes in front of them. My first question to you is this. Why do you have an ugly best friend? You should know better than that. It is detrimental to your love life. Do you think guys come over and ask the girl with the ugly best friend out? Secondly, if she's ugly, she doesn't deserve a love life anyways. Let her live her life out 'til her parents arrange for her to be married to an equally ugly guy. Love is perfect life like that. So you should move right on ahead and say 'yes' straight away. Who're we kidding? You don't deserve him either. So grab your chance while you still have looks to rely on.

-- Dr. LoveLove

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