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Thursday, August 4, 2016

American Dating - Prologue


[amateur article, needs expert’s advice]
Dating is a culture here as popular as the arranged marriage culture is popular in Asian countries (more info on arranged marriage section below). I write here from the positive point of view on dating.


Just like getting admissions to schools making things work with the partner can be a tense procedure.

Over the phone courtesies

Start with a greeting. Break the ice! Keep patience. When the conversation lightens up when you feel in a sync continue evolving. Don’t be rude, don’t sound dishonest, insincere! If you see any red flag like she is not in mood or probably busy probably close the conversation and continue later.

Why does not the girl text back or reply?

She is probably busy. Give her more time.

Is she interested?

You can understand it over time. If she likes you she would like to go out sometimes with you. You would probably enjoy the time with her and would have get responses back likewise!

You are having serious emotional feelings! This is killing you and the girl seems to be insensitive. What to do?

Depends really on the situation. Face to face speaking with the girl might help. If not possible share with someone who is close friend. Or you can discuss the problem with someone who has experience. You do not need to give all specific details. Yet, a friend or another person with experience might get the hint and give you valuable suggestion. Conclusion, don’t kill yourself. Share the problem if possible. Do something to keep her off the mind, stay busy. Do a hard determination of not messing things up!

Intercultural Relationships

High Level Principles

  • Stay courteous and polite all the way.
  • Stay cool, and keep patience
  • Don’t continuously interrupt. Try to understand the person’s situation. He/she might be busy.
  • Don’t continue on one-sided feelings
This might look like being coward to some people. The general suggestion might as well come as “Be who you are!” However, in the beginning there are just some things you cannot afford. There you need sense of understanding.

Does it work?

Plenty of Americans dating/marrying chinese, Taiwan, Japanse. There are examples, where things have worked out well. However, there are might be challenges in almost every step if the partner you are dating comes from a difference background(country, culture, religion etc). The difference can be in customs, traditions, language etc. There can be hidden dating languages and signs that you would be missing out if you are in an affair. Even if you made it and you be in a relationship with the person you still have to watch out for cultural mistakes, have to be careful in keeping it cool. It can takes great deal of compromise to make a relationship like this work for long time from both of the parties! Usually, in such a case, you might not have support from friends and family. Sometimes, you will have problems that none of your friends had before. You would get stuck in trivial issues and might be frustrated. However, Love always wins, sometimes in a hard way. Impossible things do happen. It is just not so easy.

Chinese Culture


Bangladeshi Culture

The marriage culture tends mostly to be arranged marriage. However, young generation is evolving. In many places, like in the capital city, Dhaka many people are choosing their partners themselves and later involving the family to get married. The religion Islam dominates the culture in Bangladesh. In the light of religion, most people believe it is illegal to have sex before marriage. You can be a victim of serious crime/social stigma if you commit to something like this in Bangladesh. Even if you come from an alien country to visit Bangladesh you cannot touch women who are not your wives. Mere touching can be interpreted as serious social blunder. As I have said, young generation has evolved. You would be seeing lover pairs in the University campuses, parks, lakes and so on. However, even if they touch each other they usually be secretive. They have to hide their loving attitudes. They would go miles after miles just to find a place which is safe to kiss and would not be seen by others especially anybody known by them.
[religious blindness form the culture] When these people come to a foreign country they have difficulty in communicating with women. Due to teachings of the Bangladeshi culture, they would stay a bit away from the girls/women even if they are highly attracted to. Some not sophisticated people still believe it is women who are responsible for being victim or rape or other violence. They express great regrets seeing beautiful women going to parties or just going to have fun with whatever they are wearing. They cannot fathom the idea of independent women who can just as well do anything i.e., stay late or hangout outside at night instead of being home. This is a million dollar mystery to them!

American Women

There is lot of variations among American Women. Depending on where they come from life style vary.
  • First generation Americans: their parents come from another country. They as children inherit and learn culture from their parents and also learn and get accultured to the new environment. They are well spoken in English. They probably don’t care much about the country their parents came from.
  • Long time Americans: As per my experience, most of them are straight forward which makes things less painful. I guess most of them like to travel, would at least visit some countries across the world in life time. They can have different hobbies like biking, hiking. They go through sequence of relationships in life.

Taiwanese Culture

Due to some religion, some women would have separate restrooms than men.

Japanese Culture


Mexican Culture


Why is dating this complicated?

Human beings have evolved over time. Depending on the person you are dating both of your custom, culture, social standing, financial situation might come into effect.

Arranged marriage culture

The arranged marriage culture has evolved in Asian countries. In some place, there are scope for the future bride and bride-groom where he and she can have more interactions and examine their compatibility. Some families would be more generous in providing options to the son/daughter being the family being involved. Some places might have extreme restrictions, for examples, muslims in Pakistan.

Experience of People

Anecdote from a Russian Father

As the guy goes on “I have a son who grew up in the US. Even though he communicates with us in Russian he is accustomed to the culture around here. He dated a number of girls. The last American girl he dated they lived together 4 years. Everything’s great except the girl never cares about anything except money and business. The girl never talked to her dad for 10 years! Does that sound normal? After 4 years my son broke up with her. The girl used to say you do not need to keep up your old tradition, you do not need to talk to your family in Russian language, you should evolve and leave all those behind. She apparently did not like my son speaking with us in native language! She did not like his communication with family and relatives.”


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